Emotion, Personal

2016 ~ Worst & Best

2016 has been an emotional rollercoaster of a year, me & Richard have been through some rubbish this year, we had sooo many plans for this year – baby planning, weight loss, fitness, allotment, growing stuff & selling to make extra cash!

Maybe I was aiming a bit too high but I wanted to at the very least be on our way to doing each of the above mentioned!

The worst –

Richard was due to have an operation back in January to have a supra pubic (through the abdomen & bladder) catheter fitted BUT it was constantly put back due to the lack of a radiographer because he had to have it done under a scan & because of this, he had numerous bladder & kidney infections, he was in so much pain, he couldn’t do anything too physical, I have a full-time job so I’m unable to do the work on the allotment & growing stuff without Richard (he does most the work & I help him). We had to wait until the end of August for him to have his catheter fitted & then needed more time to wait for his body to settle down & get used to it because it’s not going away, he’s got it forever!

Work has been really stressful due to staffing issues, I need to learn to not stress out about stuff I can’t control, one thing I absolutely hate in my life is looking stupid because of something that is out of my control & when I can’t do my job properly because I haven’t got reliable consistent staff, it infuriates me!

My mum ended up back in hospital for her yearly winter visit (it’s becoming a winter tradition now), she’s been in hospital every winter for the past 3 years! This year’s been the worst one yet, she’s got COPD & cellulitis in her legs & the infection from her legs went to her lungs, she had a heart attack (same as last year), she had to have stents done, at least they should help her heart work for her better! Saying that though, the doctors said she’s got a strong heart & lots of oxygen in her blood! I was so scared she wouldn’t come out of hospital & going to work everyday was killing me because all I wanted to do was go to the hospital & sit with her, listening to her squeaky voice (she got laryngitis) moaning & stroke her hair till she fell sleep (not that I actually think she’d want me to do that but she has such soft skin). To top it all off, my poor dad was going round like a rabbit in headlights & all I kept hearing from people around was how useless he is, my heart broke every single time I heard those words & it took every ounce of what strength my broken heart could muster to not retaliate!!

You ever get that feeling that you could literally suffocate under the pain your heart feels & you just can’t control the crying?? I consider myself to be an incredibly strong person but I really don’t know how much more my heart could have handled, I was in so much pain that at one point, that I said to Richard that maybe I should just switch my heart off & stop caring & loving people! I knew your heart could cause you pain due to a heart attack but not that much pain due to sadness or heartbreak!

One thing I’m worried about for myself is all this stress has had on my heart!

The Best –

I turned 40 this year, some people wouldn’t think that would be one of my best but I had the most memorable 40th, I went to Coombe Abbey in Coventry UK with some of my family members, an old friend & her fella. We had a magical time, I would highly recommend you go if you can – please go & take a look for yourself – A weekend in history for my 40th. I also had an amazing BBQ with family & friends, Richard did the cooking, he’s so good on the barby!

We threw my mum & dad a 40th wedding anniversary BBQ & they both had an amazing time.

I realised a lot of things about myself this year –

  • I’m stronger than I give myself credit for.
  • I can do a lot more than I’m given the opportunity to do.
  • I actually do want to lose weight & become a healthier/fitter person.
  • I really do want to have a baby & was in denial for soooooo long!
  • It really doesn’t take a lot to make me happy (honestly Richard, it doesn’t! Hehe.)
  • A messy surrounding demotivates me!
  • I would love to take piano &/or singing lessons!
  • I live my life by my emotions (which isn’t always a good thing)
  • I shop with my senses (I realised this during blogmas! Hehe),

My mind is my most powerful weapon I have in my arsenal & I CAN use it to control ME! It helped me find a calmer, stronger, happier haven for my mind & heart to recover this year!

Despite all the crap that has come along with 2016, I have enjoyed the best bits sooo much. I’m happiest when I’m surrounded by happiness, laughter & love but then, I can imagine most people are! I’m ending 2016 on a high for 2017, I’m sooooo excited for our 2017 plans.

Of course another best bit about 2016 is starting this blog back in January. It’s been a learning curve but I’ve loved it.

I hope you’ve had an amazing 2016 & if it’s been a struggle, I hope you’ve managed to find a stronger safe haven for your mind & heart to recover.

Bye for now.

Love Sarah Mx

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