Please excuse me while I vent!!!
A lot of us go through life never thinking about becoming parents, I mean, why would you? When you’re childless, you have all the time in the world to do as you wish without having to think about a helpless child who looks up to you for guidance, reassurance & love, you are able to go any where you want to without having to share any of those precious memories with your child or worry about passing on your life skills to your off spring but then, one day, you realise that’s what you want so badly & when the time comes, you find out that it’s not going to be that simple, it’s so frustrating & you begin to wish you’d tried harder sooner but then, in my case, I would never have met the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with & so, for that, I’m glad I didn’t!
The weight of the pain this causes borders on chokeable & I know these feelings come & go, I consider myself an extremely strong person with the strength to overcome a lot of things but I’ve been faced with these feelings before many years ago when I 1st attempted to try & conceive a baby & I know what I’m in for, last time, they held me prisoner in my own home for fear of seeing anyone with a child (if I was faced with seeing someone with a baby back then, I can only compare the pain to feel like something invisible was trying to choke me) & it nearly broke me, so this time, I need to be ready for them, one thing I’m not going to allow them to do this time is rip me away from the people I love & my life as I know it! For those of you who are wondering what on earth has possessed me to write about it for the whole world to see (when really, people would think of me as rather a private person), I need to do this for my own sanity, I need for people to know where my life is heading, I shut them out last time & didn’t tell anyone what I was going through, needless to say, I felt very alone, so this time, I have absolutely no intentions of doing that, I’m going to need all the support I can get & not just from the people I love but also from those who have been through similar obstacles & have overcome them! I’m not one of those people who can openly talk about their pain when standing in front of someone, it makes me feel weak (I can’t help the way I feel) – meaning, there’s a chance I would just break down in tears & then be faced with a person in front of me, not knowing what to say or do (how would that help me or them?) & one thing in life I hate is feeling weak, helpless or to look foolish!!
Me & my fiancé are just at the start of our TTC (Trying To Conceive) journey & we are currently waiting for our 1st lot of test results & the wait is driving me mad.
As it stands today, I’m awaiting results from a routine chlamydia test, when I get these results I will then be able to book an appointment for a scan on my uterus & fallopian tubes to see how everything in that region’s doing, when I’m due to book my scan appointment, my fiancé will be booking an appointment to do a sperm sample. We will then be able to get our next appointment with our gynecologist, get all the results & proceed to the next step.
Then comes another waiting game!!!
I’ve been reading lots of information with tips to help with fertility & getting pregnant, from diet to vitamins that reportedly help boost fertility (I’m currently taking vitamins everyday, folic acid being one of them) & I want to start trying some of the tips I’ve been reading but my fiancé don’t want us to until we’ve had all our 1st lot of test results come back, he says he’s worried that anything we do will affect the results we get & therefore, affect any fertility help we’re given! The frustrating thing is, I agree with him but it still doesn’t stop me hating the wait & having my patience tested!
Sometimes I forget that we’re waiting for test results, see something & want to try it immediately! I’m finding this waiting malarkey extremely hard & wish we could just start our TTC care (I just want to get a care regime in place) & get things moving!
These kind of posts may be a semi regular thing, I need a space for me to express what this journey will bring us & some people use a diary or a journal, me, I’m going to use my blog & sometimes, my YouTube channel! I recently started using my YouTube channel to keep track of our TTC journey, if you want to take a peek, here it is – Our TTC Journey – YouTube, just please bear in mind that it’s a very nervous start to me using my YouTube channel for putting up my own videos & it’s a new thing I’m trying.
If you or anyone you know have been through this & have any tips to boost fertility (female, male or both), I’d love to hear them or do you have any tips for staying calm & stress free? Because, right now, I feel like we could both do with it! Hehe!!
Bye for now.
Love Sarah Mx