Hey lovelies,

I need to get some stuff out of my head & that’s what I wanted these mind dump Mondays for.

It’s not always easy to just ignore somethings, no matter how hard you try. I ignore the stuff I can’t control, until it actually affects me. You go about not wanting to do something or to have something & then, before you know it, there it is, staring you in the face & you’re stuck with the one thing you didn’t want & there’s nothing you can do about it.

I’m feeling so nervous this week, I’ve arranged to have a (sort of) party/gathering/get together??? This Saturday for family & close friends. My mum passed away in April of this year & this Saturday, the 6th October, would’ve been her 80th birthday, this may sound silly to some but I couldn’t let the date go by without acknowledging it in some way & my mum always loved to be surrounded by the people she loved, she never needed a reason to host an open house event.

The reason I’m feeling nervous is because this month is not a very good month for my finances & so, the original plan of a BBQ has had to be scrapped for jacket spuds & hotdogs, which, in all honesty, I don’t mind at all because I love those 2 food items & jacket spuds are so versatile, you can have anything with them.

I wanted to have some fireworks but that’s got to be a no now due to finances (do you ever feel like you’re working for nothing??? I surely did this month).

I’m trying to channel my inner mother because she never worried about money, if I had £1 for every time I heard her say “you can’t take it with you”, I wouldn’t be worried, she spent it like it grew on trees & like she had an endless supply of it, not that I’m attempting to spend my money like that, what I’m trying to say is that, mum would’ve just got on with it, gone & got the food needed, made a feast & the day would’ve been a roaring success & all done without any stress needed.

I knew I wanted to do something for what would’ve been her 80th birthday a couple of months ago, plenty of time to start getting organised for it but I failed to tell anyone what I wanted to do due to the fact that I don’t like to talk about mum very often for fear of upsetting anyone &/or making people feel annoyance or anger for any reason, I say annoyance or anger because sometimes when I think about mum & the fact that I’ll never see her beautiful face again, it makes me feel annoyed or angry, but mostly sad. Not only that, I didn’t want to face it myself either & then, before I knew it, the date was 2 weeks away!

I’m not looking forward to this week, what, with the upcoming party on Saturday & a change for me at work??? I feel a stressful week lies ahead of me.

I intend to take every opportunity to just relax at home this week & keep my mind busy.

Yesterday (Saturday), I went town with a friend & I got a nice notepad & pens, the intention is to write myself lists of things that I need to do, the aim of this is to aid my head space to declutter, make room to breathe & think of new ideas.