Mind dump Monday

Hey lovelies,

It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a rhythm of writing blog posts & being comfortable with what I’m writing, I really hope I get back into it because I really do miss blogging but I just can’t seem to get into it, I’ve no idea why????

I wanted to note down my thoughts, fears, mind dumps & ideas for different stuff, I don’t know if it’ll be post worthy or even have any structure, I just wanted to sit & type. I’ve called it mind dump Monday because I thought it had a ring to it & I thought Mondays would be an ideal day to post it, you never know, one week may just be the start of my blogging rhythm coming back.

I hope you’re well & enjoying the world & your life, if not, why not & I’m sorry to hear that. Try not to let the shit get you down. The only person that can pull you out of the funk is ultimately YOU, many people will help you along the way but in the end, you’ll have to do it yourself to the best of your ability.

You know those days when all you want to do is NOTHING! Well, that’s how I feel today (28/1/18).

I’ve learnt a lot about myself over the past year or so, like –

I definitely DON’T want to be an event planner, I absolutely love, love, love organising family & friend get togethers, parties, outings & such like but I REALLY couldn’t do it on a professional scale, I worry far too much about what people would think & if they’d enjoy it. I don’t even mind organising our works christmas party but I won’t be letting that stress me out like it did last year!
I’ve had it with bloody diets & I’ve decided to tackle my food addiction from another angle, I’m sick of being in pain & of being complacent, I’ve decided to study nutrition & tackle it from that angle & hopefully not only help myself but my family & friends along the way too.
I get so annoyed with myself for letting other people dictate my mood, I really bug myself with it but I just can’t help it, I’m a mood sponge, I used to be a terrible mood hoover but having been on the receiving end, I try SO hard not to do that, I know how damaging it is & people just don’t want to be anywhere near you.
I really struggle to tolerate incompetent people, people who take the credit for others stuff…………..(fill in the blank)……………, people who blame others for their mistake, incompetence & bad judgment, people who have impatience with slower brains, people who make others feel stupid/incompetent/like idiots or like a child.
I have more patience than I ever thought I was capable of having with both work & home life, I have an incredible tolerant nature.
I am a mixed bag of emotions most days lately (I’ve got so much shit going on, I can’t believe I’ve not had a nervous break down yet) but I pride myself on having a strong mind.
I’m able to make people laugh, although, I do have a bit of a sarcastic sense of humour. I also have the power to make a person laugh one second & then feel offended/hurt the next, a curse I only found out about last week (even to people who I thought knew me better, oops). The one bonus is that the person on the receiving end was a person I get on with tremendously well & she pulled me up on it after only stewing on it for a couple of hours, I was amazed that she found me in the slightest bit offensive towards her & it made me wonder what someone else would’ve thought??? My sense of humour can be mistaken for serious comment or real opinion & I can be misunderstood if I’m not careful. Needless to say that me & my friend have agreed that if either of us feel like that again, the other person is to be pulled up on it immediately.
I’m the best listener you may ever find, I may not be able to provide you with the solution needed to solve your problem but I’m more than happy to sit & listen whilst you talk it out & I give the best hugs you’ll probably ever have in your life, well, that’s if you like proper big bear hugs??
I get annoyed when people cut me off mid conversation, I used to be terrible for it but over the years, I’ve stopped doing it & on the occasions when I slip up & do it, I’ll stop & let the person continue, even if it means forgetting what I wanted to say – which has happened on occasion (hehe).
I’m incredibly selfish with my food & my time, both of which I’m not sorry for & never will be.

Two little words…………”I’m fine”, they cover a multitude of sins. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve said them, when in reality, I’ve really felt like I could just sit & cry, what a shame it is that when people ask how you are, more often than not, it’s out of politeness or habit & not that they’re actually interested (for real) or that our 1st instinct is to say “I’m fine” because we don’t want to bog people down with our problems & because it’s an automated response. I’m going to TRY to not ask a person how they are unless I’m actually interested & lets see how many I’m fines I get?? I’m also going to start giving people a more honest answer when asked how I am too, which may result in a reduction of people asking me. Hehe.

In todays society, we should be able to make time to listen to our fellow humans & be able to see when they need an ear to bend. Talking with fellow humans is one of the best counselling methods out there, even if you’re not talking about the issue on your mind, you may find it helps, on occasion, a distraction is as good as a cure. I can also be the best listener you may ever find. It saddens me that we aren’t able to make time in our day, to have conversation about life in general, day-to-day or help out a fellow human who needs someone to talk to.

I feel physically ill at the moment, my body hurts, the only joints on my body that don’t hurt or ache are my elbows (unless I put too much pressure on them), my wrists & my fingers. I need to go to the doctors but part of me is too scared to go! I’ve got the smallest of lumps above my abdomen, under my right breast, I get heart palpitations, oh for goodness sake Sarah, shut the hell up & go doctors, there’s no point moaning about the pain or getting stressed out about shit you have no idea about, I can hear people now, Richard says it to me most times I mention anything, he’ll tell me to go doctors, oh dear Richard bless him, even with his health issues, he always has time for me to bend his ear & bang on about shit, even if he’s heard it a hundred times.

Todays mind dump is ending here, I feel like I could rant for ages but if I don’t stop now, this post will be far too long.

After reading this back, I feel like it’s full of me moaning & I very nearly deleted a lot out of it & I even thought about not posting it but I thought, sod it, people will either read it or not!

I hope you have an amazing week.