A letter to myself..!

Hey Sarah,

I don’t know if you’ll remember me??? I’ve not been around for quite a while!

I feel the need to say this but………………what are you playing at???

I really don’t know where to start…………??? I have so much to say!

Why do you do it to yourself? You are the most self sabotaging person I’ve ever met!

You’re the biggest liar on earth, you’re lucky anyone trusts you!!!

Why do you always lie to yourself? You break so many promises you make to yourself & it’s got to stop. You’re going to destroy yourself if you’re not careful!

You’re surrounded by people who love you & who have a genuine interest in your well-being & any one of them would be there for you in a heartbeat, yet you never confide in them! You never ask for help when you’re struggling, trust me, everyone struggles at some point!

You need to recognise that in order to heal & start being the person you TRULY want to be, YOU have to make the 1st move, how do you expect anyone to take you seriously if you don’t???

YOU GOTTA WANT IT BAD ENOUGH!!!

I mean if you want to spend the rest of your life just existing & not actually living, then by all means, go ahead…………………don’t let me stop you, but, I know you want so much more!

I know your deepest & darkest secrets, some of which, you still punish yourself for today (if you don’t forgive yourself, you’ll suffocate!!!)! I know that you’re a secret eater most days & that you’re scared to death of failure & looking foolish! So what, who gives a shit if you do?! One thing I don’t get is why are you so worried??? No-one’s perfect, everyone messes up at some point but you, you milk it for all its worth!! Do you honestly think that the people who care about your well-being are going to laugh at you if you fail or just stop loving you one day? Would you???……………NO!!! It doesn’t work like that!

I’m fully prepared to take some of the blame for it all & hold my hands up & say…………. “I just stood by & watched you drowning & struggle, while no-one else knew!” But, you’ve got to be woman enough to own the rest of the blame!!! I refuse to stand idly by anymore – if you self destruct & ruin yourself, I’ll suffer too & I, for one, don’t want to suffer!

I do just want to say one thing, “I’m so very sorry for letting you struggle to do it all by yourself all these years & for making you look so weak! I’ve let you down & I’m truly sorry!”

I will help you BUT, like I said, you have got to make the 1st move & you’ve got to want it bad enough!

It’ll be scary & hard, I’ll make you cry with sadness & exhaustion, I’ll cause you unimaginable pain – emotional & physical. BUT, it’ll also be exciting & fun, I’ll show you just how strong you are & make you laugh so hard, you’ll pee your panties!!!

If you truly are serious about wanting to actually live your life, just come & get me, you know where I’ll be!

I do dearly love you & I’ll protect you from anything, I PROMISE!

All my love
Me

Xxxx

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